The Good ol' Mr. Jay

I want to thank all of you for being there for me in the last few months. I know my facebook page played out like one of those crappy soap opera's, but rest assured things are slowly getting back together.

Some of you are probably wondering what the hell happened, me I'm still not sure. One moment I had a new friend that I was excited to hang out with, next minute I'm all confused and hoping that god would just end my life.

For the past 9 months I was hanging out with such a sweet, caring, stable, amazing gentleman. We met while I was at work before I got transferd to the store I am at now. He came in wearing a spider man shirt, and me being a nerd for comics I made a comment about his shirt. We started talking about our favorite comics and it was an instant connection.

I gave him my phone number because he asked if I would like to purchase a few comics and figurines from him and my nerdy side just couldn't say no. Few days go by and we set up to meet eachother at the mall, and of course I set it up for a time where I would meet him right after i get off work. Which stupid me it takes me about half an hour just to walk from where the bus lets me off to my home. I chose to walk because heaven for bid the buses should be running on time.

I finally got to the mall, late and unaware that he had taken off five minutes prior to me showing up. we agreed to meet in the food court, so I got my self dinner at Arbey's (which is now KFC). I turn around with my tray and i haven't even taken a step and my drink fell to the ground. If he was their I'm sure he would have been my night in shining armor and bought me a new drink. I waited for two hours and nothing.

I got home and there was a message from him wandering where I was. I called him back and told him sorry and told him the whole mishap with my dinner. We had a good laugh and rearranged for him to come to my house another day.

Now this guy may not have been the best looking guy on the planet, but his voice was incredible, and he had these awesome sparkly baby blue eyes. He charmed everyone around him, even my fiance liked him and he doesn't like anyone.

I told him about my radio station I was trying to create and he was intrigued, so i showed him what it was all about. He became my partner in crime for my show known to the audience as Prime...later to be changed to MR. Jay. We were a hit!!!

My birthday came and I had gone to the store for some goodies to prepare for the birthday bash show. I had Bought myself my Marilyn Monroe outfit. I bought My fiance his DR. Knowitall costume which he didn't wear because he had to fix our ceiling that day. I made a cake and bought some sparklers. I was excited to do the show and see my friend. go to http://www.blogtv.com/people/willowspillow to see the vid on my birthday bash.

by October we were hanging out regularly and doing shows until my fiances sister moved back into town. I had to change my schedule of my show, and one evening we were having a blast by looking up random stuff online. She comes in MR. Jay said hi, I introduce them the best I could, but I warned him prior that shes a bitch. She stomps upstairs and we went back to our business. The phone rings five minutes later. My fiances on the other end telling me to be quiet because his sister called him to complain that we're making too much noise. Now she could have calmly walked down the stairs told us that she wants to go to bed. I would have called it a night, but I got pissed that she would have the odasity to call her brother to get me to be quiet.

Those who just met me, my fiance and I had a strange relationship for the past eight years, six of which I lived here in Winnipeg and he stayed home so he can continue to work at the cabinet shop. Oh beleive me we had our share of ultimatums thrown at eachother.

After that incident I found it difficult to continue with the show, so I focused on working and triyng to get a job in radio. MR. Jay and I continued to hang out regularly at resturants and movies. Any place where we could get away from my situation at home. He could see I wasn't happy at home. I wasn't getting along with my fiances sister, every time she and I were in the same room we would fight.

Mr. Jay and I had the same interests, We loved the same comics, the same music interest. Who else do you know listens to Aqua to cheer them up after a bad day. When I saw that CD in his car I was blown away. I love aqua. We were intellectually on par with eachother. But here's the kicker he was 10 years older. I'm 26 and he had just turned 36 in April.

I saw sadness in his eyes as well, he wanted to settle down get married and have kids. He was looking for love in all the wrong places and letting women walk all over him. I tryied my best to give him the confidence to ask women out, but he had his heart set on me.

He had met several of my friends and family and they liked him too. His parents were like the parents from "That 70's Show" Never expected to meet such an outstanding family in my life. I had my fair share of strange families but this was the perfect family. I kinda got scared because I wasn't used to such a loving group. I felt so at home with them. It still hard not to call them up and show them appreciation for them taking me in and feeding me.

I'm not the one to believe in soul mates but he was convinced that's what we were. I'm not going to lie that we had a strong bond with eachother and it hurt when we weren't around eachother for a few week. He went on vacation to Florida after christmas and he wanted me to come with him. We talked constantly on the phone telling eachother the story of our days. He ended up with a pretty expensive phone bill by the end of his vacation. I tried to pay him back with what I could afford.

Now I'm not blaming what happened solely on him, I am to blame for alot of this as well. I could have been alot stronger and kept him at arms length. I had wanted to break up my engagement several times but something kept me from packing up and leaving.

Its been a tough 9 months and I wish it didn't have to end but I didn't want to seem like I was using him, and I feel really guilty for making him fall so hard for me. If I could have done things differently I would have. He doesn't deserve to be treated this way by any more women, He needs someone who will accept him for the caring, sweet, funny, intellectual human being he is.

MR. Jay if your reading this I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me, this was not my intentions. You have showed me things about myself that I had no idea existed. Thank you for having faith in me when my own faith in myself diminished. You will always be my best friend, and hope that you find the happiness you deserve.

Please have a listen to the song I wrote about this situation. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAFcDkQiwI4

Its not only about my own feelings but what he told me he felt. Who knows what fait has instore for us. Don't take love for granted, fallow your heart, and make sure you have faith in yourself.

WHY CAN'T I GET A FULL TIME JOB?

I know our economy is bad and the price of living has gone up. But at the same time shouldn't employers give more of an incentive for those "RELIABLE" employees to stay at their jobs?

I have bills to pay just like every responsible Canadian, and I also have health issues that require me to be on medication. I have no insurance, nor do I have a job that offers such for part time employers.

I've been working in retail for the last 8 years and I have yet to see myself get full time status. Oh sure I have quit many jobs in search of better employment, but I always seem to get the ones that claim to offer a chance to move up. But when it comes to the moving up, it seems like I don't measure up to the "high standards" that this corporate world has.

Now i don't want to make it look like I'm complaining about my job. Believe me I have a wonderful job. I would really like to stay and grow with the industry of video games. This job gives me a chance to be the dork I am and lets me do exactly what I am great at. However I have made myself available on my days off and I have become the go to girl if you must have a day off.

I really don't have a life outside of work there for I will make sure that I work my ass off. I truly can't stand having so many days off. TV is boring, I've watched all my movies, and my videogames are almost all beat.

I'm not asking to be management, allthough it would be cool. I'm just in need of a full time possition so that i can finally get the benifits that I NEED so i don't have to spend so much out of my own pocket for my health.

I'm sure there are many people who read this that are going through the same thing. Why are there an abundance of people in theese managerial roles not paying attention to those of us who work our fingers to the bone.

We break our backs for minimum wage, we deal with grouchy customers, we do exactly what we are told and there is no thanks. No parties are thrown in our favor and heaven for bid the big wigs in their offices should allow us to have a vacation. OH NOOOOOOOO We're part time that stuff is for the full time emplyees.

Again this isn't me bitching about my job, it the retail industry in genral. I know what many of you are thinking. If I am unhapy with what i do then go somewhere else. The truth is if i go somewhere else the same crap is going to happen. I'll work my ass off for a year or two, but still be in the same boat.

All I want is a chance to finally get paid what i deserve. To get that perverbial pat on the back every now and then, and for someone to finally relaize that I care about my job so I should be rewarded fulltime with benifits.

Wedding Gitters

Now that new years is over and everyone is in the process of breaking their New Years Resolutions let me be the first to congratulate those who decided not to make a resolution. I don't see the point of them, i was once one of those people that once said "By this time next year I'm going to be smoke free." i didn't quit smoking until September of 2007.

With our economy being the way it is, I'm realizing that I need to re think my career. I am not going to give up on my dream of becoming a successful broadcaster however i may have to change my career for a while so that i can save up enough money for myself to get all the technology i need to start my business. This is going to suck ass royally for me. The only thing i have proven to do well is being in retail...I hate retail.

Its at the point now where my life seems to be going no where, Yeah i know I'm getting married in a few months but honestly i have to admit. I'm scared. its not the fact that i have cold feet. its my family and friends. My sisters hate my family, and their not even willing to put aside their bullshit long enough for me to walk down the isle. Which means i will have to rely on two other women who don't know me as much and the last time we hung out together for the whole day was back in high school. I do have a few guy friends who i consider to be good friends but i can't exactly have them as my bridesmaids. trust me two heavy set men in plumb purple dresses. I'm not trying to do a production of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

My husband to be and I haven't even come close to picking out our wedding song. Don't couples usually have this sort of thin figured out during the dating process? Man its worse that going to the dentist and having the man fall asleep while your mouth is propped open waiting for him to Finnish the capping process on your teeth. (BTW this actually happened)

I keep having this recurring nightmare that my wedding is one big disaster, everyone complaining about the food, the wedding party gets lost, and my dress gets destroyed. Maybe i should just do the safe thing and sign the paper work and then have a giant social instead. its cheaper and less hassle for my family to start WORLD WAR III.

Well that's enough bitching for now, have a good one.

Christmas Cheer?

What is it about Christmas that makes even the nicest of grannies turn into raving, violent, homicidal, manics?

I for one hate christmas. That's right you read that right. It's depressing and to even pretend to like that one person in your family that you normally wouldn't come near is excruciating.

I have the type of family that makes the Manson family look like the Brady Bunch. I feel like the normal girl on the Munsters. I do not belong in this family at all.

Every year i go through the same bullshit. I have to ask every individual what their doing for christmas because no one can stand to be in the same room as each other. I have to set aside a week just to see everyone. And I'm not from a divorced family.

Everybody hates my grandma, shes the epitome of a Nazi concentration camp leader. I can't give her my phone number because she'll call my house daily from 8am till 9pm until she talks to me. I'm not joking. She drove my ex-roommate nuts. My only hope for her is that she'll get Alzheimer and forget my phone number.

My mother isn't bad, however she has her moments where I'm afraid to become her when i get older. She's as dence as a stale piece of bread. And folks no giving her alcohol because it just makes it worse.

My Father... ok hes not actually my dad, but he's been with my mother long enough to be considered as such. He's your typical cheap Mennonite. If you go out to eat and he pays, he'll calculate to the penny how much you owe him the next time you hang out.

I have two sisters who are older than me. Now just because their older doesn't make them smarter. In fact quite the opposite. I have absolutely nothing in common with either sister so it make it quite difficult to have a decent intellectual conversation with them. Unless you consider talking about the latest in hair accessories an intelligent conversation. And niter of them like my mother or grandmother so having them show up to even say my wedding in 7 months is going to be a feat even Houdini would avoid, because the outcome might end in a massacre with only the bride and groom standing at the alter with a matching his and hers AK-47.

Now i probably gave you the wrong impression about myself. I am usually a really sweet person who unfortunately people like to take advantage of. I have put up with way too much B.S. in my life but still end up getting myself in situations where the word "NO" seems to escape my vocabulary.

This year was an interesting year. I work for one of the biggest video Game stores that came from the States. I have been transferred from store to store hoping to be picked as the next assistant manager, but never getting the position. It would be nice to finally get recognized as the person who works their ass off for a company that should in nicer terms "Burn to the fucking ground."

Yeah i know what your thinking, why don't you get a different job or go to school to get a career?

Guess what!!! I did go to school. I took Broadcasting.... I love to talk, I love people and I'm very out going and extremely creative. I'm a shoe in for the next daytime talk show host.

Truth is, I went to school for 9 months, passed the course with flying colors. Got my degree and now I'm searching for any radio station that would be nice enough to take me. Why radio you ask? Because i'm not that sexy blond girl you see doing the weather on the local news. Hell my fashion sence would have the people on "What Not To Wear" in tears. Yes i watch TLC, I'm a verry complex person.

Truth is TV scares me a bit, because i make smart ass remarks about the news and the bull shit that happens in this city all the time, I don't want to be searching for a job everytime I get caught on camera laughing at the dumb girl who can't read her script on the telleprompter. Plus I like the fact that i can go to work in my pj's and have my hair messy from lastnights sex with my hubby and no one can see what i look like.

But at the same time i would like to combine the two to make an internet radio station to promote Winnipeg.

So here is the the first taste of what your going to be expecting. I would like to introduce to you

W.I.P.S. WINNIPEG'S INDEPENDENT PROGRAMMING STATION

The only station that offers music and content straight from the best city in Canada.

For more info please feel free to check out www.blogtv.com/people/willowspillow

or contact me at getwips@hotmail.com

Have a great christmas.