I want to thank all of you for being there for me in the last few months. I know my facebook page played out like one of those crappy soap opera's, but rest assured things are slowly getting back together.
Some of you are probably wondering what the hell happened, me I'm still not sure. One moment I had a new friend that I was excited to hang out with, next minute I'm all confused and hoping that god would just end my life.
For the past 9 months I was hanging out with such a sweet, caring, stable, amazing gentleman. We met while I was at work before I got transferd to the store I am at now. He came in wearing a spider man shirt, and me being a nerd for comics I made a comment about his shirt. We started talking about our favorite comics and it was an instant connection.
I gave him my phone number because he asked if I would like to purchase a few comics and figurines from him and my nerdy side just couldn't say no. Few days go by and we set up to meet eachother at the mall, and of course I set it up for a time where I would meet him right after i get off work. Which stupid me it takes me about half an hour just to walk from where the bus lets me off to my home. I chose to walk because heaven for bid the buses should be running on time.
I finally got to the mall, late and unaware that he had taken off five minutes prior to me showing up. we agreed to meet in the food court, so I got my self dinner at Arbey's (which is now KFC). I turn around with my tray and i haven't even taken a step and my drink fell to the ground. If he was their I'm sure he would have been my night in shining armor and bought me a new drink. I waited for two hours and nothing.
I got home and there was a message from him wandering where I was. I called him back and told him sorry and told him the whole mishap with my dinner. We had a good laugh and rearranged for him to come to my house another day.
Now this guy may not have been the best looking guy on the planet, but his voice was incredible, and he had these awesome sparkly baby blue eyes. He charmed everyone around him, even my fiance liked him and he doesn't like anyone.
I told him about my radio station I was trying to create and he was intrigued, so i showed him what it was all about. He became my partner in crime for my show known to the audience as Prime...later to be changed to MR. Jay. We were a hit!!!
My birthday came and I had gone to the store for some goodies to prepare for the birthday bash show. I had Bought myself my Marilyn Monroe outfit. I bought My fiance his DR. Knowitall costume which he didn't wear because he had to fix our ceiling that day. I made a cake and bought some sparklers. I was excited to do the show and see my friend. go to http://www.blogtv.com/people/willowspillow to see the vid on my birthday bash.
by October we were hanging out regularly and doing shows until my fiances sister moved back into town. I had to change my schedule of my show, and one evening we were having a blast by looking up random stuff online. She comes in MR. Jay said hi, I introduce them the best I could, but I warned him prior that shes a bitch. She stomps upstairs and we went back to our business. The phone rings five minutes later. My fiances on the other end telling me to be quiet because his sister called him to complain that we're making too much noise. Now she could have calmly walked down the stairs told us that she wants to go to bed. I would have called it a night, but I got pissed that she would have the odasity to call her brother to get me to be quiet.
Those who just met me, my fiance and I had a strange relationship for the past eight years, six of which I lived here in Winnipeg and he stayed home so he can continue to work at the cabinet shop. Oh beleive me we had our share of ultimatums thrown at eachother.
After that incident I found it difficult to continue with the show, so I focused on working and triyng to get a job in radio. MR. Jay and I continued to hang out regularly at resturants and movies. Any place where we could get away from my situation at home. He could see I wasn't happy at home. I wasn't getting along with my fiances sister, every time she and I were in the same room we would fight.
Mr. Jay and I had the same interests, We loved the same comics, the same music interest. Who else do you know listens to Aqua to cheer them up after a bad day. When I saw that CD in his car I was blown away. I love aqua. We were intellectually on par with eachother. But here's the kicker he was 10 years older. I'm 26 and he had just turned 36 in April.
I saw sadness in his eyes as well, he wanted to settle down get married and have kids. He was looking for love in all the wrong places and letting women walk all over him. I tryied my best to give him the confidence to ask women out, but he had his heart set on me.
He had met several of my friends and family and they liked him too. His parents were like the parents from "That 70's Show" Never expected to meet such an outstanding family in my life. I had my fair share of strange families but this was the perfect family. I kinda got scared because I wasn't used to such a loving group. I felt so at home with them. It still hard not to call them up and show them appreciation for them taking me in and feeding me.
I'm not the one to believe in soul mates but he was convinced that's what we were. I'm not going to lie that we had a strong bond with eachother and it hurt when we weren't around eachother for a few week. He went on vacation to Florida after christmas and he wanted me to come with him. We talked constantly on the phone telling eachother the story of our days. He ended up with a pretty expensive phone bill by the end of his vacation. I tried to pay him back with what I could afford.
Now I'm not blaming what happened solely on him, I am to blame for alot of this as well. I could have been alot stronger and kept him at arms length. I had wanted to break up my engagement several times but something kept me from packing up and leaving.
Its been a tough 9 months and I wish it didn't have to end but I didn't want to seem like I was using him, and I feel really guilty for making him fall so hard for me. If I could have done things differently I would have. He doesn't deserve to be treated this way by any more women, He needs someone who will accept him for the caring, sweet, funny, intellectual human being he is.
MR. Jay if your reading this I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me, this was not my intentions. You have showed me things about myself that I had no idea existed. Thank you for having faith in me when my own faith in myself diminished. You will always be my best friend, and hope that you find the happiness you deserve.
Please have a listen to the song I wrote about this situation. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAFcDkQiwI4
Its not only about my own feelings but what he told me he felt. Who knows what fait has instore for us. Don't take love for granted, fallow your heart, and make sure you have faith in yourself.
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